RUN FORREST RUN!
So to protect ourselves, we create comfort zones - places we prefer to live that help us feel safe and support our idea of who we are.
To remain within these zones of contentment requires us to cling to beliefs and ideas that reinforce the self-image we wish to portray, while pushing aside anything that threatens it, including our very own feelings.
In Sakyong Mipham's book, "Turning the Mind Into An Ally," he describes the comfort zone this way:
"There's a place between Earth and Mars that scientists call the Goldilocks zone. It's a place that's not too hot, not too cold, but just right; a place where life could conceivably be supported. Many of us live from the motivation to keep ourselves in such a zone. We spend our lives constructing a personal Goldilocks zone where our solid sense of self feels comfortable and protected. Everything is just how we like it, and we work to keep it that way. We're afraid of what will happen if we lose our grip on ourselves. So we continually spin a web of concepts, beliefs, opinions, and moods that we identify as 'me.' We work to draw in what will make us happy, fend off whatever causes pain, and pretty much ignore the rest."
So without perhaps realizing it, staying within this 'realm of comfort' becomes our way of life and we convince ourselves that we are truly happy there, even though, within such set parameters, we isolate ourselves from the full spectrum of what life could be.
Just like a wave, that can only go as high as it is willing to go low - for its depth propels its height - by staying in our comfort zones, we dull our lives by keeping ourselves in a place of mediocrity, never flowing too far in either direction.
To live a more fulfilling life requires us to face our fears, play around with the borders of our comfy confines and be willing to stretch those boundaries a bit more. This can be exciting or extremely frightening, but it will certainly never be boring.
With a willingness to breathe deeply and open ourselves to the sensations that we usually block from our experience, our sense of self becomes more permeable; more accessible to the intensities of both high and low. This is living. This is how we expand ourselves and enrich our lives.
Some of the greatest opportunities for self-expansion are what I refer to as, 'u-turns.' They are the moments that flip our lives completely around. A good example would be when we hit rock-bottom, also known as, 'the dark night of the soul.' It is often during such moments, when we are deeply seeking answers, that we turn and face the mystery within ourselves and fall straight in.
Without a commitment to live our truth, this potentially transformational pivot-point can turn into a state of depression. This happens when we are so afraid of feeling our pain, that we linger (sometimes for years) in paralyzing fear at the threshold of this shadowy passage.
Telling you not to be afraid offers little help in these challenging moments. We each must find our own courage to walk. But I will say, surrender is key, which I guess explains why, when our lives are flowing smoothly, it is harder to see where we really stand within ourselves. It is often when our lives shatter; when it feels like we've got nothing to grab onto; nothing left to lose, that we finally begin to let go. And it is then that we catch sight of the type of foundation we have built our lives upon.
Oftentimes our most profound and intimate connection with who we really are happens in our darkest hour; when our heart is broken; when we feel abandoned; when we're out of options; when the pain is so great, we turn inward and brave the darkness alone.