Loyalty implies a faithfulness that is steadfast in the face of any temptation to renounce, desert or betray.Loyalty involves respect, trust and support, and promotes a sense of security and reliability. We must be able to trust one another if we wish to have healthy and harmonious relationships.
In order to appreciate the value of loyalty, one must fully comprehend the profound impact of betrayal. Betrayal is a breach of trust through the breaking of promises, commitments, agreements or vows that can cause irreparable damage to our relationships. The burn of betrayal is painful and can be long-lasting, leaving us feeling foolish for having placed our trust in someone who didn't actually deserve it.
Here are a few personality types that signal a lack of loyalty and a potential for betrayal:
- The Victim - I'm not talking about an actual victim, but those that play the part to gain sympathy, attention or to avoid responsibility. These individuals will often complain, without taking steps to improve their situation. They commonly blame others for their own unfavorable choices - a betrayal of these misfortunate scapegoats. Those that play victim can exploit the caring nature of others, knowing that when they hear a sob story, they are likely to feel empathy, express support and want to help.
- The Charmer - These are often magnetic individuals that possess an undeniable charisma that can be both alluring and disarming. However, in some cases this charm can be a carefully crafted facade; a tool to gain trust and to manipulate others in order to get what they want. Once they do, they often betray their unsuspecting target, before moving on to their next conquest.
- The Opportunist - Opportunistic behavior in over-drive is like a chameleon, adapting to its surroundings and blending in, just waiting for that perfect window of opportunity to open. These individuals are laser-focused on their own advancement in all areas of their life and will do whatever it takes to get ahead, even if it means stepping on others. They are strategists with a lack of respect for boundaries and will bend and break rules to suit their needs. They thrive on instant gratification and are likely to betray others the minute a better opportunity comes along.
- The Gossip - This busybody type loves to dish the dirt on others without concern of the ramifications, because of the attention they themselves gain. Their need to gossip overshadows loyalty. If confronted, they act offended, claiming pious intent and pretend to not understand why such a big fuss is being made over their betrayal.
- The Habitual Liar - These experts at twisting the truth, do so to manipulate, deceive, divert responsibiliy, or to make themselves look better. When caught in a lie, they often get indignant, feign innocence or shed a few tears to gain sympathy, which are all calculated manipulation maneuvers.
- The Overly Defensive - The overly defensive personality cannot handle any type of criticism and will make excuses or blame everyone else, rather than looking in the mirror. This over-reaction to criticism is often caused by insecurity and can involve acts of retaliation, lasting resentments or an in-the-face attack, which often results in damaged relationships.
Building trust takes time, yet can be destroyed in an instant. Like I've stated many times, trust is best saved for those who have earned it. We gain trust by keeping our word, protecting the confidences of others, and creating a space where others feel comfortable letting their guard down. This feeling of safety is what keeps us close and connected, and are the type of conditions needed for relationships to thrive. While loyalty means being there for those we care about, it also means knowing when it's more conducive to quietly step back and garner some space.
Strong, stable, lasting relationships are built on the promise that we will do what we say. Keeping our word makes us trustworthy, reliable and cherished. Loyalty means telling it like it is, while being conscious of the impact. It is lending a hand, a compassionate ear, or a shoulder to cry on during difficult times. Shared loyalty in relationships means having each other's back, showing that we care, and always being real.
Loyalty begins with a solid foundation within ourselves. Are we honoring our own values and principles? Do we stand in our convictions even when it's hard, or do we let ourselves be swayed? Whether we're loyal or disloyal to ourselves, it always shows in our choices, actions and behaviors, and other people take notice. Instability in our own personal allegiance, ultimately signals to others that we can't be fully trusted. When we live in our integrity, we aren't influenced or pressured out of doing what we believe is right, no matter the cause. We are integrally sound. This shows others they can count on us if they need real feedback, advice or a helping hand. Not being true to ourselves torments us and can cause anger, resentment, depression, anxiety and addiction. This is because it never feels good when we are betrayed, even if we're doing it to ourselves. Especially then.