True friends are never apart, maybe by distance, but never in heart.~Helen Keller
Over my lifetime, I've been fortunate to have many great friendships. Looking back at these relationships, I notice that they seemed to correlate precisely with the various stages of my unfolding. As I grew and changed, they came and went, leaving behind guideposts, marking these notable chapters of my life story. But every once in awhile, someone comes along that stands out from the rest, with qualities and values so similar to our own, that it feels like we've known each other forever. These are the sort of connections that endure longer than just a season. They last a lifetime.
That's what happened when I first met my best friend. She had come to town with another friend of mine to attend a NFL game. When I arrived at their hotel room, I walked in and this 'soon to be best friend' and I just looked at each other and laughed.
I see you got the memo,I jokingly said. We were dressed in identical fashion - blue jeans, black belt, black t-shirt and short black boots. Our friendship only grew from there. Over the years, we've traveled to so many amazing places together that we'd never been before, usually ones with a beach attached since we both love the ocean so much. These precious breaks from our everyday lives are always filled with adventure, great conversation, a little Bailey's in our coffee and an abundance of laughter. But beyond all this, through loss, betrayal and challenge, we've always been there for each other. That's what I cherish most.
So this got me to wondering. What exactly is it that shapes a true and lasting friendship? Here's what I came up with:
- Loyalty - Loyalty is the glue that bonds all lasting relationships. It means having each other's back, showing that we care and always being real. It is a steadfast dedication that extends beyond a friend's presence. Meaning that, it is all-encompassing whether a friend is in the room, their back it turned or they are hundreds of miles away. Staying mindful of loyalty is critical, because once it is broken by betrayal, there will forever be a crack that impedes the restoration of what was previously, a meaningful friendship.
- Reciprocity - Calling a friend to simply vent frustrations without even inquiring how they're doing, exhibits an 'all about me' attitude not indicative of a true friend. Friendship is about give and take. A balanced exchange of support and ideas. Knowing when to talk and when to listen. This ability to recognize cues (read the room), and discern what is best needed in a given moment, helps to develop much more harmonious and fulfilling relationships.
- Trust - Building trust takes time, but can be destroyed in an instant. We gain trust by keeping our word, protecting confidences and promoting a sense of reliability, that friends can depend on in times of need.
- Respect - Respect shows we value our friendship and hold it in high regard. It is a nod to each other's perspective views and opinions. It is appreciating differences, as much as commonalities. Respect is treating our friends in the same honorable manner, that we ourselves, wish to be treated.
- Acceptance - Non-judgment provides friends a secure space to be themselves without fear of criticism or reprisal. This acceptance opens the doors of communication, allowing friends to speak freely, without having to weigh thoughts or measure words, but to simply let them pour forth unabated.
- Common Interests - Having some common interests is essential for lasting friendships. They are often what initially draws us together, and the very things shared that will lift our spirits and enrich our lives. For example, the strong affinity with the ocean that my best buddy and I share, has made our beach getaways, some of my most beloved adventures.
- Honesty - Honesty allows us to see each other clearly. A real friend doesn't sugarcoat the truth, twist the facts, or dole out bullshit compliments. They simply tell it like it is. It’s this transparency that forms a genuine bond.
- Sense of Humor - There is nothing more exhilarating to the soul than laughter. Especially those really deep belly laughs when we are in stitches, and keep adding things that make the situation even funnier until we can barely breathe. My bestie and I have had many. When I think of all the hilarity we've shared over the years, it still cracks me up! 😂
Alice!
(inside joke). Laughter washes away stress, boosts our mood, eases our pain and creates special, silly moments in time that no one will ever understand, except the friend that was right there beside us. - Authenticity - I only have a handful of pet peeves, but fakeness certainly sits near the top of the list. Social personas, putting on airs, or pretending to be something we're not, is unsustainable when it comes to true friendship. Lasting relationships require the vulnerability and courage to be who we truly are, not a made-up version of what we think we should be. Bottom line, if we can't be wholly true within ourselves, how can we be fully trusted by others?
- Support - Whether it's encouragement when pursuing a goal, advice when making a tough decision, or a shoulder when going through hardship, a supportive friend can make all the difference. Perhaps the greatest gift of a true friend, is the comfort of knowing that even when we feel alone, we never really are.
Just like flowers, friendships will flourish and bloom, or wither and die, depending on how we care for them, and it's always a two-way street. One-sided relationships are never long lasting, because the one holding the short end of the stick, will eventually tire of the skewed situation. The cornerstone of real friendship is truth, generosity and love. As the saying goes, friendship is not about who we've known the longest. It's about who walked into our life, said
I'm here for you,and proved it.