Yes, we all lose our equalibrium a bit when we're thrown back into single life. Nostalgia can drown out rationale and prompt us to over-analyze the mistakes we made, forget the stress, arguments and the frustrations we once felt and disregard the obvious reasons why change was necessary. Yet the actual truth about our relationship can never be ascertained after it's over and we're grieving the loss, but from what we knew while in the midst of it, when we were familiar with all the facts and made choices based upon them. While the pain of a breakup is still fresh, we have a tendancy to distort these facts and begin painting a portrait inspired not so much from reality, but from loneliness.
This viewing of our past through rose-colored glasses can stir up feelings of inadequacy, as we compare where we are now with a fictitious version of prior events. By ending self-criticism and heeding the advice we would offer a heartbroken friend in our position, we realize that even though we may not have dealt with every scenario perfectly (no one does), we did the best we could to make things work. Even if our relationship ended amicably, once we can pull ourselves out of the past, we're better able to admit that something fundamental never quite fit. This helps us let go of the fairy-tale and honor the real story, so we can grow from the experience and move forward. Relationships can be our grandest teachers, if we're willing to look deeply at them and unravel the illuminating messages they bestow.
Practicing gratitude, which seems so simple, can be an invaluable tool during these times, for it helps open the door to well-being and hope, giving us a new outlook on life. It brings harmony to our internal world and calms the inner dialogue. It helps us anchor ourselves in the present and appreciate all the existing goodness in our lives right now. Gratitude allows us to wipe the slate clean, believe in ourselves again and follow our aspirations. It helps us see the bigger picture and find appreciation for the lessons we've learned, for the great memories we've made and for the growth we've gained from it all. Gratitude helps us let go.
When we stop longing for a past that can't be revived and channel that energy into what we do have control over - our self-acceptance, our perspective, our focus, our openess to new adventures - we begin to mend, and strengthen the relationship we have with ourselves. Then we will discover that rather than a stumbling block, our past relationship was an essential stepping stone to deeper, loving connections.
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.~Viktor Frankl