From Entitlement To Gratitude

Entitlement is the belief that life owes us something and when delivery of the goods don't come, we get highly bent out of shape. One easy way to tell if we have such tendencies is to notice our reaction when things don't go our way. People who feel entitled generally have a strong focus on what other people have that they don't - more money, more intellect, more confidence, more friends, more fun - more, more, more! This fixation has them constantly comparing themselves to those who are where they wish to be.

Feelings That Sit At The Core Of Entitlement:

• Fear of being ordinary or insignificant. The belief I deserve special treatment often protects against a quieter dread that without it, we'd be unremarkable or overlooked. In other words, entitlement works as armor for a fragile sense of worth.


• Insecurity and shame. Underneath the confidence there’s often a sense of being fundamentally lacking. Demanding more, or believing we are owed more, compensates for a internal deficit that never quite gets filled.


• Anxiety about scarcity. For some people, entitlement comes from a worldview where there’s never enough (love, attention, resources, respect) and if they don’t claim their share forcefully, they’ll be left with nothing.


• Unmet or distorted needs from early life. Entitlement can grow from opposing soils: a childhood where needs were neglected, so the person learned to grab and demand, or one where they were never required to tolerate disappointment, so now it feels like an injustice rather than a normal part of life.


• Resentment and a sense of injustice. Many entitled people carry a running ledger of ways they’ve been shortchanged. Anger is the visible feeling, but it’s often sitting on top of hurt or envy.


• Difficulty with empathy and reciprocity. It’s hard to feel what others need or give when our own needs feel urgent and unmet. Entitlement narrows attention onto the self.

The common thread is that entitlement tends to be a defense rather than real confidence. Genuinely secure people can ask for things, hear no, and still feel okay about themselves. Entitlement often shows up when a no is perceived as a threat to one’s identity or worth.

One of the best ways to curb entitlement is to practice gratitude. Gratitude and entitlement sit on opposing ends of the specrtum. Entitlement views life as a ledger of debts owed. Gratitude counters that by acknowledging what others do for us, what it actually costs them and really grasping that what they give isn't owed. It's a gift.

Shifting from entitlement to gratitude is about becoming more consciously aware. One technique that helps is mental subtraction. This is when we imagine something we take for granted not being there (the friend who always listens, the job, the person we count on in times of need). Subtracting it makes its value visible again. This helps other valuable things in our life stand out. As our appreciation grows our perception shifts from entitlement to a more humble and grateful way of being.

Life is about evolving and becoming grander versions of ourselves. It doesn't serve us to compare where we are to where someone else is, or to be envious of what someone has that we don't. Their bounty would only wither in our hands and lead us astray. Perhaps struggle is actually the catalyst to growth. I mean, what if it's the perfect storm that breaks us out of our egos and into our hearts? Wouldn't that change our view of EVERYTHING?

We can continue to be frustrated and envious of others, or we can start doing what it takes to achieve our goals. This is how we create character, inner-strength and wisdom. It's never handed to us. It's up to us to do the work. In the words of Abe Lincoln, You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was.

Whenever we view life as unfair and feel like a victim, our generosity of spirit shrinks and our energy contracts. However, when we express gratitude for all our experiences, our energy expands and life begins to flow in our favor. Gratitude is a mighty, metamorphic force. It's humbling effect perpetuates joy for who we are, what we have and where we're at. Our willingness to examine the deeper benefits we've gained from our struggles and scarcities, shatters illusions of lack. This appreciation broadens our channel of abundance and ultimately transforms our lives.