So I wake up today, way later than my conscience thinks is appropriate and immediately my inner critic starts reprimanding my poor behavior, by saying such things as, "You shouldn't have been reading til the wee hours of the morning! Why didn't you set your alarm? Now your whole day is screwed. You're lazy, lazy, lazy!" Even though in truth I only slept seven hours, I start the day with an inner sense of guilt.
The thing is, this happens A LOT! I'm a night person. While most people are sleeping, I can be found working on a new blog, doing research, watching YouTube videos, making lists of the things I need to get done, meditating, practicing yoga or sometimes you'll just find me sprawled out on the couch where munchies abound, engrossed in reruns of my favorite chick flicks. At night I flow. I do whatever I feel like doing. The next day however, I wake up, look at the time and I'm immediately plagued with culpability, which only leads to a barage of disparaging notions.
Now I decide to take a break from writing this rambling and mosey on out to my patio to sit and ponder - wanting to get down to the core of this non-sense and wondering mostly where the heck I am even going with telling you all this, when I hear a "caw...caw." I look up and there is not one, but two large crows circling the skies above me. So straight away I dash into the house to grab my camera so I can capture these beautiful black creatures. Then I think, because I know everything happens for a reason, they must be sending me some invaluable insight, so I sprint to my bookshelf to look up 'crow' in my Medicine Cards book by Sams and Carson.
Crow is fascinated with her own shadow. She keeps looking at it, scratching it, pecking at it until her shadow woke up and became alive. Then Crow's shadow ate her.
Okay, so far not really diggin' the Crow, but I continue scanning down the page...
Crow lives in the void and has no sense of time.
Okay, now things are gettin' interesting...
Crow sees simultaneously the three fates - past, present and future. Crow merges light and darkness, seeing both inner and outer reality. Crows message is to pause and reflect on how you see the laws of the Universe in relation to the laws of humanity. Crow signifies a firsthand knowledge of a higher order of right and wrong than that indicated by the laws created by man. Speak in a powerful voice when addressing issues that seem out of harmony, out of balance, out of whack or unjust. You must put aside your fear of being a voice in the wilderness and "caw" the shots as you see them. As you learn to allow your personal integrity to be your guide, your sense of feeling alone will vanish. Your personal will can emerge so that you will stand in your truth. Be mindful of your opinions and actions. Be willing to walk your talk, speak your truth, know your life's mission and balance past, present and future in the now.
Well THAT is quite a message, since the coinciding thoughts I had been tossing around in my head all morning, were in relation to my work. "Am I presenting my writings in such a way that others are finding them interesting and valuable? Am I too damn serious? Do I need to lighten up and show more of my sense of humor? Am I serving anyone at all?" Oh, the incessant ramblings of the human mind!
So I finally stop these inner queries and decide - I am me. I am a night person and it's okay. I think and feel deeply and that's also okay. And as scary as it is to put oneself out there for all the world to see, I know there is no 'right' way of going about it. Some will resonate with what I share and others probably won't and it's all okay. We all just need to be ourselves and not try to do everything so perfectly, because in actuality - there is no such thing. We lose our individuality and creativity when we attempt to live up to the standards others have set down. When we try to be something we're not, we all lose out. Each of us have special unique gifts and if we support each other, rather than judge one another, we all win. Oftentimes our worst critic is ourselves, so remember to be your greatest supporter!