Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.~ C.S. Lewis
Integrity is one of those words we toss into resumes, eulogies and motivational writings without really considering what it requires of a person. At its core, integrity is the alignment between our values and our behaviors. It is the internal commitment to honesty, consistency and wholeness, regardless of circumstance. Just like a bridge built with structural integrity, a person of integrity doesn't buckle under pressure or sway when the going gets tough.
The framing of our internal integrity structure, like most everything, began when we were kids. We didn't primarily learn values from what our parents said, we absorbed them from what our parents did when they thought no one of importance was around. For instance, a parent who bent rules for their own sake, gossiped behind people's back or hid the truth to avoid ramifications taught us loudly, whether they intended to or not.
Integrity can sometimes be a costly choice. It means owning our actions and blunders when we could easily conceal them, honoring commitments when it becomes inconvenient and telling hard truths when a half-truth would be way simpler.
When integrity erodes, trust follows. Without trust, relationships become hollow, transactional and meaningless. Integrity is the difference between someone who is loyal only when monitored and one who is loyal because it's simply who they are. It is admitting when we're wrong rather than minimizing or deflecting, and choosing the long-term health of a relationship over short-term comfort.
Integrity is the backbone of our character and has little to do with other people. It is the promise we make to ourselves when no deadline, accountability and external reward is involved. Like the exercise routine we do when no one would know if we skipped it, the commitment we make to our own personal growth, and the vote we cast, via a thousand tiny decisions, for the kind of person we wish to be.
Everytime we act in alignment with our values, especially when it costs us something, we strenghten our self-respect. When we go against our values, we often experience a particular kind of exhaustion - the fatigue of keeping up with our own inconsistancies and of managing the gap between who we present ourselves to be and who we actually are. In contrast, living in our integrity is one of the most restful choices we can make.
People with integrity tend to be:
- Consistent - their behavior in public matches their behavior behind closed doors.
- Accountable - they don't deflect, minimize or reflexively assign blame.
- Reliable - their word is their bond.
- Courageous - they say the hard thing.
- Calm - since they live by their principles, there is stability within.
The spin-offs of sticking to our values:
- Trust - people extend more trust, opportunity and grace to those known to be honest and dependable.
- Peace of mind - living in alignment with our values removes the mental and emotional burden of inconsistancy. There's no story to maintain or version of events to keep straight.
- Self-respect - when we stick to our values in private, when no one would know the difference, we develop an unshakeable relationship with ourselves.
- Influence - genuine integrity is magnetic. It draws people who want to be around, work with and learn from someone they actually trust.
- Legacy - in the end, the people remembered with admiration and love, are those that were real, consistent and true. Not perfect - integrity doesn't mean perfection - but forthright about their mistakes and humble about their accomplishments.
Integity is not a destination, but rather a direction we keep choosing. It's the moments when we help someone even though we're tired, tell the truth even though it's uncomfortable, keep our commitment even though no one would care if we broke it. These aren't big, amazing moments, just little ones. But they are in the truest sense, the very essence of a life well lived.