If We're Trying To Be Normal, We're Missing The Whole Point
April 25, 2025
I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life!~Oliver Hardy
It's probably accurate to say, most people to some degree, favor being accepted by others. But are we willing to sacrifice who we are to get it? No doubt we all could point to a time as kids, when we were shunned, passed over or treated like an outcast. For instance, it never felt good not getting invited to a classmate's birthday party, or being the last one chosen on the dodgeball team. Do these early experiences of exclusion, cause a lingering willingness to conform in order to fit in? Possibly. For other kids, these same exact experiences might spur a greater sense of determination and self-reliance. Such contrary reactions to similar life events is likely due to the fact that, like fingerprints, we're all different. Which then begs the question, what the heck is NORMAL and why would we ever strive to be it?
When I think of normal, the first words that come to mind are - common, ordinary, average and unremarkable. While normal might be the perfect term for describing body temperature, or the particular route I'm taking home, I certainly wouldn't want it to depict who I am!
Normality is an arbitrary concept. Sure as a society, we have an array of laws, customs and acceptable behaviors that we consider normal. However, even these vary greatly depending on our culture, and rarely hinder our individuality. Since we're all entirely unique human beings, trying to be normal doesn't even compute, and if it did, it would surely be a downgrade. Trying to be normal by taking on social personas for the sole aim of obtaining acceptance, requires us to abandon vital pieces of ourselves, such as our creativity, viewpoints, eccentricities, special gifts, and with them our authenticity. Deep down we know that any approval we gain is really not for us, but for the role we play. This will never sit well within us, because the need to be ourselves is a mighty force that will not cower to a desire for acceptance.
Two of the more prominent reasons one might choose to emulate others, or parrot group ideals, is for connection and a need to belong. While connecting with others is essential for our well-being, suppressing or changing ourselves in order to get it suggests we either don't know ourselves, or don't believe who we are is good enough to withstand the scrutiny. So it's easier to run with the pack and do what everyone else is doing, rather than standout from the crowd and be distinctively real. Being ourselves requires vulnerability and courage. The mere chance of jeopardizing relationships by going against the grain, are viewed by some, as just too big a gamble. Ironically, this type of attitude signals a lack of self-acceptance - the very thing sought from others.
Yearning to be a part of something to such a degree that we adopt the beliefs, attitudes or behaviors of others at the expense of our own judgment, it's called herd mentality. Examples of this type of groupthink can be observed in various facets of our daily lives - consumer trends, politics, stock market fluctuations, viral videos, activism and panic buying. I bring this up because trying to be normal in order to fit in, is very much interlaced with this type of mindset. There's validation seeking, fear of exclusion or missing out, external influence, lack of independent thought and suppression of contrary views. Spelled another way - conformity.
When we look out at society, what we describe as normal, is simply the influencial adapting, complying, conforming and following of a particular set of made-up criteria considered to be ideal. Trying to be normal then begins to look a lot like striving for perfection. Well, I hate to burst anyone's bubble, but neither one is obtainable. Striving to be perfect implies we don't feel good about who we are. A push to live up to this nonexistent standard, only accentuates our perceived flaws, rather than our strengths. It channels our focus at end results rather than process, which can be an absolute creativity crusher. No one is perfect, or normal. (Thank goodness!)
If we're trying to be normal, we're missing the whole point of life, which is an expansive journey of self-actualization, not a game of follow the leader. We reach this peak of self-empowerment and fulfillment, by resisting external influences, cultivating self-awareness, honoring our individuality, thinking critically, healing our pain, recognizing our vulnerabilities and trusting our instincts more. When we're enjoying the journey, giving our best and accepting the outcomes, we prosper. The key factor is being who we are - amazing, one-of-a-kind originators!